dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
