Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
