Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
