Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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