if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
