I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
