Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
