Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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