I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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