How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize