he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
