At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
