i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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