I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
