dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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