New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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