And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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