My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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