one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
