just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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