You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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