It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
