woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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