I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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