I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize