Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
