they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
