I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
