It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
