Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
