O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just cropdusted the office
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
