talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
