No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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