I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize