Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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