turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
