the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
