My underwear smells like fireworks.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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