i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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