seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you traded sex for a burrito?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
