You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I love black thongs
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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