At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
