ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize