If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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