A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
