Need sex. Gaining weight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
