Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
