Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
