got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize