I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
