$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize