I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
