My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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