Someone shit on the floor
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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