alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
