A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
