You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How does one acquire holy water?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
