upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
