Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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