Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
