You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
