hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
