it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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