I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
