Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
