I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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