I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
