just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
