I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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