he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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