in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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