I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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