I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
