I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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