I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
