someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
