I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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