Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
